Undecided???

let's say 2 ppl are dating (whatever that means), in this case it means 2 ppl are doing everything that ppl in relationships do without the official title of a relationship...everything is going great.. they have good times...see each other all the time...one person (female) decides they want to make it official...the other person (male) feels that he doesn't want a relationship right now..that's cool....but here comes the issue...the female decides that she is going to date other ppl or "explore her options" as many would say...the male doesn't take it so well... he feels like the female doesn't need to explore her options, he feels that she already has everything she needs...WRONG....although the female is happy and things are going great....she feels like if he doesn't want to make things official now, then he never will....I mean WHY WOULD HE?? 2 yrs from now the female doesn't still want to be in this situation, she wants to eventually get married and have children....which seems impossible when things are going the way they are.....

The biggest problem of all is that the male acts like he owns the female...i don't see how you can be possessive over something/someone that doesn't belong to you...

If I was in this situation (lol), it wouldn't last long at all, if you're not my bf...then i don't feel obliged to you at all...when you ask me to come over or to go out...the chances of me saying yes are 50/50....as opposed to if I had a bf ( this only applies to me, I'm not saying this is how everyone should feel) the chances would be 75/25 (75 being yes, 25 being no).....that's just the way i feel....If you're not MY man , you can't get mad @ me if i decide i don't want to be with you 24/7.....if I'm with you all day then there's no room for me to date and find what i really want...and i refuse to be 24-25 yrs old with a possessive fuck buddy ( no offense to those who are 24-25 doing the fuck buddy thing), everyone wants different things and that's not what I want...some ppl are meant to be single all their life and that's cool......some people want to be single sometimes and want to be in relationships at other times....

I just feel like when i do get a bf, he should be happy and not mad or feel like i "played " him.... it's gonna happen eventually....

'07-'08

I told myself I wouldn't make the same mistakes in '08 that I made in '07....trust me when i say that I've made too many mistakes in '07...I don't regret any of them but I knew that I would need to grow from them and learn...the worst part is that I became the person that I've always hated...I became my worst enemy....the liar, the cheater, the self-centered person who only cared about herself and nothing/no one else even mattered.....There are situations that caused it, but at the end of the day it's still my fault and I should've never let anything change me.......

Anyway....I started out the new year feelin pretty good...I had pretty much everything I needed...I had my family, my circle of whores (who really turned out to be whores) and I had my boo (hmmm).....

1st Mistake I made in 2007, was that I was too nice, thats just my nature, I've never been a mean person and when I see a friend in need, I'll go out of my way to help them....which turned out to be a mistake, not gonna get into full details but that "friend" is not a friend anymore...I'll leave it at that....

2nd Mistake I made in 2007, was I didn't really follow my intuition and when i did , instead of confronting the issue, I decided to "get revenge", but idk if i can call it revenge b/c the other person never knew (well until now if he's reading), I guess I just did it to prove something to myself, I guess just to have a secret of my own.....

I haven't really made the same mistakes this year.....haven't been too nice..matter of fact i don't think I've been nice at all...but I haven't been mean either...except for a few occasions when it was necessary...my intuition is actually on break this year since I haven't really been with anyone exclusively , I use the term "boo" very loosely...it could be anyone and thats the way I like it....Few guys may think its them, actually few do think its them...but i could be talking about anyone...if i use "babes" thats a whole diff situation, b/c my babes is my bf (ex-bf now)....won't be using that one until the next one comes along...I don't do many relationships....they don't last.. I lose interest easily ( unfortunately) and relationships end just as fast as they start...especially when theres that one person that just won't go away (and i don't want them to go away either).. no matter who i talk to or who i like...that person is always there....and when they come around nobody else matters....I'm pretty sure Melonie is reading this right now and she thinks I'm talking about (M) but i think in this case.....its about (T).....(M) will always be around but its just not what it used to be....especially since I see (T) all the time...they're both good friends that i don't want to lose...at the end of the day if either one of them are happy then I'm pretty much happy...


So far this year has been ok, a lot of ups and downs...a lot of things happened this year that I will never forget...I eliminated all the poison (whores) around me and now I just have my two girls (rose and melonie)....they're family not friends...I've got my boo ( hmm wonder who that may be) and my health is good (for now lol)...something is always happening to me...i think its karma..I know I've done my dirt and I would be wrong if i said I don't expect bad things to happen to me...it's life!